How to Pray

This is a fantastic topic, if I do say so myself. Not because I know the answer to this question, but precisely because I don't. I think growing up I had very specific ideas of what prayer looked like, and if you've never prayed before, that's okay! I'm sure you have your own preconceived notions of what prayer looks like, and that's perfectly normal. The idea behind this discussion is that you might walk away with new ideas about prayer and how you approach communicating with God. And I can't take all the credit, I learned a lot from my campus ministry about all the different ways to make a prayer.

If you're new to Christianity, let me just affirm you right here, right now. The idea of praying is kind of boring. I know, I've been there. Why do you think they separate the children from the adults at church? Short attention spans, distraction to all. I'm partially kidding and also dead serious. Actual thoughts I've had: if children aren't good at praying or don't know how to, does that mean they're doomed to leave everything up to the adults? If an adult isn't good at praying or doesn't pray as much, is their kid going to suffer more? If the kid has rough behavior and they simply cannot comprehend the Bible, does that mean we need to like, beat them down, not literally? I jest, but it's not like they really get the concept of sin, so you can't just tell them to repent. Why is little Timmy so darn violent toward little Mary? Someone take away his toys already!

Sorry, got a little bit on a tangent there. But I hope you get the idea. Prayer is in no way mathematical. Sure, a hundred prayers might count more than one, but for certain reasons, it also might not. There is no linear growth for prayer and answers. And lastly, tons and tons of prayer doesn't guarantee going to Heaven. Although I worry about praying "incorrectly" sometimes, I also have begun to recognize just how conversational and what a process prayer can be. I mean, our interactions with other people aren't perfect, nor do we expect them to be. People get the gist. God already knows all your thoughts and feelings, even ones you might not recognize (Jeremiah 17:9-10). And if this is the beginning of your faith, you're just getting started. God's probably just pleased with the fact that you want to know Him. I've felt that before. No matter how many mistakes I've made or how many times I've turned away, He is always there and patiently waiting. That is the beauty of God's love.

Now on the topic of formality, God is a mighty God, there's no doubt. He is all-knowing and present and merciful, you name it. He deserves all the reverence a God should. But because we are privileged enough to have an intimate relationship with Him, through the act of prayer and repentance and worship, shouldn't we also feel free while doing so?

I must say that out of habit, I almost always kneel on the ground or sit in a chair with my legs uncrossed when I pray, because they're alert and intentional poses, and sometimes I'll walk around. Sometimes when I fall asleep at night, I'll make a prayer or ask God my questions, and that's pretty much the only time I find it personally acceptable to lay down (because to me laying down = risk of sleeping rather than praying). A lot of people feel comfortable sitting cross-legged or just resting, and that's okay too. Do whatever works for you, because ultimately God looks at your heart. I believe a fifteen-minute prayer in earnest is infinitely more valuable than an hour of lip service. Whether or not God accepts your prayer is between you and Him, but something that helps is making a prayer as if someone is listening. Believing that He is actively hearing you is a step toward greater faith. I've actually begun praying aloud recently, so that my prayers can be more focused and specific as well. If I'm ever praying for others while I'm by myself, I speak almost as if I'm writing a poem or speech about them. I know why this individual impacts my life. How much more then would God love that individual? He/she is Yours, Lord. We belong to You. If it is someone who doesn't know God or hasn't heard the gospel, I usually frame my prayers in a way that puts focus not just on that person's prosperity, but that person's desire to know and to walk with God.

There are different aspects to prayer (and I will not claim to know any official terms for them, these are just from my experience reading the Bible and going to church). Making requests is probably the most popularly depicted form of prayer. Asking God for something is really, really important (Matthew 7:7). If there is something you deeply desire, and it's not coming out of a selfish place or misguided motivation, I think asking the Lord to recognize and grant that desire is an extremely precious thing. We almost take asking for granted, but as His children we should totally ask. I mean, He's there, isn't He. If He already knows all our thoughts and hopes, why ask (Psalm 139:1-4)? Because we are recognizing Him. He wants to know us, but not from afar. Instead, He wants us to build a relationship.

The second aspect is asking questions. Now, I don't know about you, but sometimes I get pretty angry with God. I don't get it. Why would He put me through this trial? Why am I feeling this way? Why are the people in my life treating me badly? I don't think there's anything wrong with pleading your case. Of course, we don't want to curse Him or rage or do anything like that, but feeling disappointed or upset or frustrated is natural. We are told to take our burden to him (Psalm 55:22), and that includes everything you can possibly think of. If He bore all our sin and pain on the cross, He can take it. In prayer, if we ask questions, and we patiently wait for the answer (and this is the part that I had a lot of trouble believing), through the Spirit, He does actually give answers! Maturing through the initial sting of a difficult situation or mistreatment from others is important to our growth, and you might look back and see just how far you've come.

I won't talk a whole lot about this next one because I want to write a separate post about it, but a crucial component of prayer that is often overlooked or left out is repentance. This is a tough one because it deals with the confession of sin. I think as people we generally like to view ourselves as decent human beings, most of the time. In the spiritual sense, this is actually not true (John 8:43-45). And, if you think about it logically, it kind of makes sense. It's wonderful to think we have been forgiven all our sins at once, but the problem is that we continue to sin. As long as there is evil in this world, we will continue to sin. If we were to repent those sins, that is akin to knowing all of our deepest flaws and putting them out in the open. That's not a great feeling. But part of being Christian is understanding humility. Although Jesus was flawless and had no sins, He still submitted and took it upon Himself to bear the cross. Our goal is to humble ourselves to that point, and repentance plays a big part in that. More importantly, cleansing the heart is key to leading a completely new life in Christ (Hebrews 9:14). But more on this later!

I think there are more ways to express gratitude than just prayer, but I do think thanksgiving is a huge part of prayer (Philippians 4:6). Taking the time to say thank you is just as important as asking for something, just as you would thank another human being. And it doesn't have to be thanks for something happy, sometimes you can thank the Lord for giving you a realization or putting you in a situation where you can grow.

I'm absolutely sure there are a million more aspects to prayer (one technique I've been trying is waiting and listening, rather than doing all the talking), but these are a good starting point if you're not really sure what to say. Take it from me, I've tried for so long to figure out what really works when really the answers are in this incredible book called the Bible, and the more you familiarize yourself with it, the more stuff you'll have to pray about, I promise. One way to know if you're doing prayer "correctly" is keeping in touch with the Word of God. Referencing it and making sure that you are aligning your prayer with what Scripture says is important. But if even that is too much for you right now, start small. View prayer as quality time, not an obligation. If God wanted to force us to spend time with Him, He wouldn't have granted us free will. Only you can make the choice to reach out to Him, because believe it or not, He's already reaching out to you.

Now, I know I've listed quite a bit of Scripture, but I've been thinking about what verse in particular has been speaking to me lately. In relation to prayer, Lamentations 3 is fantastic to think about. I would encourage going and reading the whole chapter, but the selection I'd like to look at is this:

Lamentations 3:22-26
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the Lord.

I have something personal I'd like to share alongside this verse. This is a time in my life where I've gotten very restless and I cannot stand waiting. I'm human, so I have many a moment where I don't know if God will deliver. The reminder that we are to wait for Him is a huge challenge, but also a comforting one. This tells me that He will deliver me, and I know that He has before. A lot of people start out in Christianity thinking that there's gotta be a timer on this thing, but that can be a bit misguided. If you're going through a difficult time, don't lose hope!!! And you are always welcome to contact me with questions or prayer requests, or if you just need to chat.


I almost forgot to mention: if you're curious about what version of the Bible I read, I've been using New American Standard for a while now (NASB).

I hope this was helpful and challenged you to switch up your prayer!

Best blessings to you,
CM