We're All Leahs

So it's been a little while since I've posted, lots of change happening in my life and let's be real: doubts about my decisions and how I'm living out my faith and being a good friend and daughter surface every day, and boy is it hard. But recently I was inspired to return to the Old Testament and just read it straight through after listening to an awesome podcast episode on women in the Bible. I think for the past few months, I've honestly been afraid of tackling the OT because I simply don't understand it. I get confused or come up with unanswerable questions, so I kind of just shyyy away, acknowledging that it's there but not really addressing it in any way. I thought it was easier to read the gospels (if you are unfamiliar, I'm referring to the Big 4: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) or pretty much anything in the New Testament (minus Revelation haha because that's a trippy one, not to mention incredibly depressing). I'll get to the title of this post in a sec, but to give a little context, Leah was the first wife of Jacob (father of Joseph), in the book of Genesis.

Anyway, why this sudden change of heart? For starters, I have to come clean: as discussed in previous posts, I find it hard to motivate myself to read the Bible every day. Sure, I'll read my favorite verses, but usually I'll limit myself to a chapter or two before bed, and then I don't always find it super engaging or inspiring. I'll read it like a chore. So lately I found myself wondering, "how do I REALLY dig into the Word?" No more pretending. No more half-hearted page flipping with a blank stare on my face. Not that I've nailed prayer down or anything, but it has almost always been easier for me to ask for things rather than look for the answers. If this sounds like you, know that you're not alone. It is difficult to keep up, truly.

Except I started to think of it this way: if I am created in God's image, and I have a curious mind, then surely God has a really smart, really cool way of explaining anything. After all, He is infinitely more intelligent, more creative, and deeper than I'll ever be. And there are so many of you out there who have sharp, curious minds. I've noticed that everyone regards the Bible a little differently, depending on what they value most. To some people, it's primarily a book of healing, or of love, or truth. I'm not saying that I see it first as a book of knowledge, because I see it as all of those things really. It's all of them. But I think it can be an extraordinarily intellectual book, and not in the dry, stuffy, white-haired, collar-and-tie theologian kind of way (no offense).

It's intriguing to think about my relationship to the Word from infancy to now. Back when I was a baby, clearly I couldn't read or comprehend anything in the Bible. When I was a child, I thought of it as a book of fantastical, entertaining stories. When I was a teenager, I saw it as a rule book, with a strict and punishing God who knew me but didn't really understand how I felt (which I personally think is the fault and responsibility of the church). And then in college, I didn't know what it was anymore. I started to understand God's grace a little better, praying more, understanding that I didn't know as much as I thought I did, etc. Which brings us to now (skipping ahead to spare you the boring details), when I have come more fully face-to-face with God's grace, and my eyes have been opened to the compassion I never really knew He had. Not until Leah.

A quick note: while the podcast episode mentioned a number of women, none of them were Leah. You're probably thinking, "get on with it, explain the title already," so I will. Disclaimer, I am no theologian, so please don't expect me to be 100% accurate or specific on the details, I will recount only what I have read and lightly researched. So in the book of Genesis, Jacob's mom Rebekah is pretty rad, except that she convinces Jacob to trick his blind father Isaac into giving him a blessing before he passes, instead of firstborn son Esau, his brother. Naturally, Esau's pretty angry and plans to kill Jacob, so Rebekah and Isaac send him away to live with Rebekah's brother, Laban, and find a nice woman to marry instead of a Canaanite woman. Seems reasonable, given their stance on faith.

So Jacob obeys and he finds his uncle Laban and works for him. Jacob sees Laban's daughter Rachel, who is "beautiful in form and appearance." Laban asks him how much he'd like to be paid, and he's all, if I work for you for seven years, give me your daughter in marriage. It's a done deal.

Extensive side note. So, I get that this is a long, long time ago, but it's still pretty sad to hear marriage described in terms of a business transaction. The many times I've read this story, I've always kind of skimmed over the details because I was uncomfortable. I mean, selling your daughter to someone in marriage? What if you didn't like him, or he mistreated you, or you wanted to be with someone else? That seems scary and unfair. Where's the justice in that God? It seemed a lot easier to not think about those things than to reject the Bible altogether.

Which brings me to very important realization: I had always read the Bible in terms of rooting for the "hero" and accepting his mistakes. And yes, the hero is nearly always a man, to literally no one's surprise. Now, I don't mean that in an angry "down with the patriarchy" kind of way. Someone just pointed out to me that gaps in the women's stories doesn't mean that there's a lack of faith on the female side. Not to mention some of the men do some absolutely atrocious things (*cough* David). For me, when growing up reading the Bible, it was so easy for me to simply dismiss their mistakes as sin because ultimately they were lauded for their faith. Say it isn't so. God is extremely fair, God created man and woman equally, and God's standards do not line up with our own. Where people cause pain, they receive it, and where they experience pain, when turning to the Lord they are shown immense compassion. The most important lesson I learned in this is that God doesn't forget the misfortune of those mentioned less frequently in the Bible. This might be obvious to some of you, but really take the time to read and understand the characters in the story. After all, the Bible is a book of stories in addition to everything else!

So to continue on, Jacob serves the seven years and asks for his bride. Laban gives Jacob veiled older sister Leah in marriage instead of Rachel without telling him, because it wouldn't be proper to marry off the younger daughter first. Jacob's all, why would you trick me, so Laban tells him that after the wedding week is over, he can have Rachel in exchange for seven more years.

Leah, in my translation of the Bible, is only described as having "weak eyes." That's literally the only description we have of her. That's kind of a burn. Imagine living your life, probably in your sister's shadow because she's much more physically attractive than you, and then being married off by your father to a guy who doesn't even want you. She had 0 choice in the matter. None whatsoever. And to make things worse, Rachel got her husband just a week later and it is written that Jacob loved her tons more than he loved Leah. Which is terrible, because it makes him sound like one of those really shallow guys everyone should steer clear of, am I right ladies?

I claim that "we're all Leahs" because we all face the rejection of the world, of those around us. It doesn't just have to be a husband, it can be anyone. It could be because of our physical appearance, or simply because we don't have much to offer. Or maybe we do have much to offer, but the world won't give us a chance. We don't know much about her because the Bible doesn't give us a rundown of her personality, but what we do know, and what matters is how she responds to her circumstances, and how God remembers her.

So, I've read this next part many times before, but not really within the context. It says that God saw how unloved Leah was and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. To an average 21st century person like me, that always seemed like a small, small victory. A pity move even. I didn't actually realize that a woman bearing children in that age bore status. Furthermore, we don't know what kind of life she or Rachel really led before. We don't know what kind of life they dreamed of, but it is safe to assume that having children was on the list, right? I say this because poor Leah named her first son Reuben, in hopes that she would gain favor with her husband. I mean, isn't that sad? She just wanted to be loved.

And then a very subtle, seemingly small shift happens. Genesis 29:33-35 says,

 Then she conceived again and bore a son and said, "Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also." So she named him Simeon. She conceived again and bore a son and said, "Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." Therefore he was named Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son and said, "This time I will praise the Lord." Therefore she named him Judah. Then she stopped bearing.

She changes her focus from seeking Jacob's attention to praising the Lord.

It doesn't say why, or how, or what she's feeling. And it doesn't end the rivalry between her and her sister, or her desire to win her husband's affection, based on the events that follow. But it says very clearly that she praised the Lord, no ulterior motives. And it is curious to note that it was Leah and not Rachel who carried the bloodline down to Jesus through the tribe of her son, Judah.

There are so many holes in every story in the Bible: days, weeks, years missing. To me, imagining the sadness and disappointment that Leah must have felt all her life is hard. But through her story we understand that God loved her and provided for her. Perhaps we look to other places or idolize other things in our lives that take His place in our hearts. A similar sentiment is echoed in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33:

But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.

And I mean, maybe Leah never got the love and admiration from Jacob she desired. Maybe she gave up or could never really do anything about it all her life. But part of our journey with God is trusting that He is more than anything the world has to offer us. What matters is how we look in God's eyes, not man's. And that begins with faith. Which is scary, but reading Leah's story? What an encouragement.

Fun fact, I dropped everything I was doing just to write this post, I was so excited to share. Hope you enjoyed this read!

Best blessings,
CM